Consolation
From the Series “With Babies”
1. Q: How did you deal with therapy?
A: Children who had serious problems came to my group (everybody has small problems, even many of them, now and then). For example, János (let’s call him this name) who was afraid, terribly afraid of all new things, all changes. He came with his father, he was holding on to him all the time. They sat in the class close to each other. János was wearing an overcoat, a hat and gloves, he was staring with his scared, beautiful brown eyes at the dancing, somersaulting children holding his father with both of his hands.
2. Q: And he didn’t take off his coat during the whole class?
A: Not only during one class, but during another one, too. Then slowly the gloves were taken off, then the warm, furry hat. Finally he took off his coat, but he did not move from his father’s side for weeks.
3. Q: What do you do at such times?
A: I do just as usual with the exception that at the name-singing and the farewell-singing we sang János’s name, and his father’s name, too. We didn’t invite him to the circle, just smiled at them and sang to them.
4. Q: You didn’t invite him?
A: No, we didn’t, we didn’t call or encourage him. We left him alone and loved him. Sometime, months later he participated in a scene, three of my children invited him, it was a very happy piece by Corelli, everybody was dancing and János went with the flow.
5. Q: Didn’t children find him strange?
A: I think my greatest result is that my children accept everybody who comes among us without reservations. Once, a long time ago a midget woman walked in. She was a real midget. She walked across the room to me. Music was playing children were dancing, nobody stopped and wondered, nobody stared. Next week Sára (that was her name) came with a rose, the rose’s end reached almost her ankle, but she came with her rose and smiled.
6. Q: How do you explain this?
A: Maybe they learn this from me. Since it is real and not just a show, they accept it.
7. Q: János used to attend your classes regularly. Didn’t children ask why he didn’t participate?
A: The atmosphere of freedom is like when a room is filled with ozone. Children get used to the fact that they can live their according to their free will: we have two rules, and if they obey these, life is free.
8. Q: What are the two rules?
A: We don’t hurt and don’t disturb the others. It is simple, isn’t it?
9. Q: Care and attention start to develop spontaneously?
A: Let me tell you a story from my green book (titled Music Raises my Hands).
Consolation
11 May 1989 Resedas
Bach Concerto in A major
for four harpsichords and an orchestra
BWV 1065 III: movement
János whispered to my ear: My knees hurt.
K: Only now, János, or when you are walking or at night, too?
János: At night, too, and if I can’t sleep, I have to take painkillers.
K: Don’t you want to tell the others? These are your friends here, they sympathize with you if you have some pain.
János: At night I wake up, because my knees hurt.
Peti: There is a very sensitive small bone in the knee.
K: What do you think we could do as a consolation?
Peti: At night we dig an underground tunnel, we climb into it, with a karate-chop we break free through the floor, we come out at your bed, stroke your knees, climb back, pull the cover and that’s it.
János is staring frightened, his two brown eyes are vibrating in fear as he holds on to me: This is a joke, right? I can’t understand Peti.
K: You said it so fast, Peti, that János did not understand it. János, this is Peti’s tale: he imagines it. Listen.
Peti speaks slowly, calmly and objectively: We can drill the underground tunnel with my electric gadget, it does not make any noise, even policemen won’t notice it. We climb in the hole and climb up to the floor. It is a good exercise of muscles. When we’re there we break through the floor with a karate chop, and we are right there at your bed. You show us where your knees hurt, we stroke it – he thinks a bit here then adds –, we give you a letter we wrote. All of us write, Miss Klári, too. We leave the letter there, if you wake up again, you can read it.
János (with relief): I’ve got a flashlight.
Peti: You see.
Children scatter calmly, we start the class. Eszti stays by János’s side, she stares and stares at him, then touches his knees: Does this hurt?
10. Q: Did Peti scare János?
A: He scared him very much by saying that he would arrive through the floor at night and appear at his bed. János took this promise seriously – that is why he was scared so much. However, I did not want to ruin Peti’s idea, that is why I said he was too fast. I thought his humour would be obvious for the second time.
11. Q: But it did not become obvious, did it?
A: No, János took the promise as real and resigned to the fact that he would read our letter of consolation in the light of a flashlight. Peti resigned to this reading, too. It was a real compromise, and Peti invented a real consolation: he breaks through the floor with a karate chop, It is not with the help of a fairy who opens the door or flies us in through the window. We don’t walk through walls, either, as ghosts do in some tales.
12. Q: Wouldn’t you find it surprising that János told you about his aching knee?
A: I appreciated this. It was a confidential message. I invited the children to join in the discussion so that János would understand our sense of belonging together, i.e. that we cared and tried to help.
13. Q: I read “Resedas”. What does this mean?
A: We had three groups, the beginners were called “Mimosas”, the intermediate group were the “Resedas”, the advanced ones were called the “Maiden Pinks”. These Resedas spent their second year with me.
14. Q: You gave them flower-names?
A: Of course, I did. I couldn’t have allotted them numbers them, could I. I couldn’t say beginner and advanced, either. Flower names reflected to some extent that mimosas are timid, resedas show some bloom, while maiden pinks are in full blossom.
15. Q: How many children were there in a group?
A: About twenty or twenty-five, and of course the same number of parents. Sometimes more because grandparents and siblings came, sometimes even nursery-school teachers and teachers cam, if we wanted to convince schools.
16. Q: What did you want to convince schools about?
A: About the greatness of Marci or Boriska, how clever they are in our classes.
17. Q: Were they convinced?
A: They were, sometimes they were amazed. It even happened that they became regular visitors. They loved us.